I am lucky enough to be able to say that I have a person very close to me who is termed "special needs." I love her very much and it makes me frustrated, angry, and sad when I have gone out to do something with her mom and all of our kids and have people stop and stare......have children stop and stare. My friend has learned to deal with it and let it go - it's been 14 years for her - for me, I'm not that nice. I get really mad and I don't have a filter so I tell people off.
A few years ago we were in a library, in line to check out our books when a few moms were staring and whispering. Within seconds of them wagging their tongues, the 5 year old girl with them wandered over - they didn't stop her - and she stopped right in front of us and just stared. My friend turned her daughters wheelchair around but the little girl came around and stood in front of her again. I'm not afraid to be a mother and if you aren't mothering you're children and it is affecting me - I will do it for you. I got down to her level and said in my mom voice (loud enough for her crappy mother to hear), "it's very rude to stare. And she's a person too - it hurts her feelings when people are rude to her. If you have a question please ask it - otherwise go back to your mother and don't look over here anymore." She scurried back to her mom and I stood up, looked at her mom and said, "That goes for you too."
That one's in my emotional backpack and is never coming out. I was so angry - it still makes me mad. I have raised my kids to know that we are ALL special and all different. I tell them that some people have blond hair, some brown, some people are tall and some are short, some people have light skin and some dark, some people are born with arms or with legs that don't work - but we're all people and that those differences are what make us beautiful. I emphasize these words - different and special - all the time on lessons that have nothing to do with handicapped people. I use them to discuss race or gender, gay marriage, religious beliefs - that way my kids don't focus in on the "special" part of it but instead understand that we really are all different.
You can start this discussion with your children at any time with anyone as a jumping off point. Since we are all different there's no bad choice in how to start talking about it. For us, it began as a way to talk about our friend's handicap and what made her "special" - it evolved into why everyone is special and different. When the kindergarten class studied Martin Luther King Jr my son already had a leg up on that discussion and could relate talking about prejudices between and white and black people in the 1960's to his friend now.
In fact, I use it all the time with my children. Even in their dealings with each other and their friends. We are all different and if we were too much alike we would get tired of each other and life would be boring. We should revel in these differences and celebrate the specialness of us. Don't wait until your kid is like that one in the library with me - start now and be proactive in your parenting. How you teach it may differ from how I teach it because - duh, we're all different, but the spirit of the learning is the same. We are not teaching tolerance because that is still misunderstanding and disdain but enjoyment.....enjoyment of our specialness.
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