Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Empowerment - The First Line of Defense

Like every parent in the world I am terrified of someone stealing or molesting my baby.  I decided early on that the best way to save my daughter from a fate worse than death was to empower her.  I accomplished this with knowledge and a song.....that seems to be my answer to everything.  From the time she was 3 months old I would sing the names of the body parts as I washed them in the bath - this helped her learn them and it let her know that they were all just body parts, none more important than any other and there was nothing to be ashamed off.  We have always called everything by it's real name because how can you expect your child to come to you if someone tries to touch them if they already demoralize themselves by calling it a winky or a hoo-ha or a pee-pee.  

After my kids were about two years old they learned who has control over their bodies - THEY DO.  At random times while dressing or bathing I would simply say (making no big deal over it), "this is your body and it's yours to keep clean, to take care of and to decide what you do or do not do with it.  There are only a few people who are allowed to touch your body......mommy and daddy, the doctor and you.  And the doctor only if mommy or daddy is there but no matter what - if you say no, then no one touches you."  I make no emphasis on which parts I'm talking about because you know what?  They should feel safe in all of their skin. They never felt ashamed and they asked questions which I answered honestly while still protecting their innocence.  My children are very hands on - we do a lot of hugging and touching in my house - so it didn't make them wary of touches, quite the opposite in fact....like I said, working it into normal activities helped it to not be weird.

It's one of those taboo discussions - child molesters.  But they're there, in your family, in your friend list on Facebook, at school, at church, in your neighborhood......they're there and no one even knows about them because most cases go unreported and half the reported ones get dropped for lack of evidence.  Since we can't rid the world of monsters then we must give our children the weapons to protect themselves.  With knowledge comes empowerment to protect themselves but now they need a weapon - a voice.  I teach my children that bullies don't like an audience.  Any kind of bully will back down if you are loud enough and vocal enough to draw attention.  If someone gets in your space, you say loud and clear, "What are you doing?"  or "Don't sit so close to me."  or "Don't touch me, I don't like it!"  Silence and fear are the child molesters best friends.

It's never too early to start empowering your children......today sounds like a great day.  And tomorrow sounds like a great day to learn how not to get kidnapped.

2 comments:

  1. This is such an important topic and I completely agree that discussing it is taboo. That is so sad and I think it is changing for the better. I will start teaching Jack so that he will be empowered.

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  2. I'm so glad Marcia! My daughter and I read this together the other night and she said, "does empowered mean feeling strong and confident? because that's how I feel about my body." Yes my, love - it does.

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