We've all done it

The other day I was in the grocery store and heard a loud "smack!" and then the horrible sound of a child crying.  My immediate reaction was to get angry and curse this parent under my breath while desperately wondering if he and his equally oblivious wife would be offended if I went over there and talked to them about why hitting doesn't solve anything. Yes, they would have been offended since they probably smacked their kids without much provocation.   I could see that from the reaction of the now sobbing child.  She was about 2, her little face red and although I couldn't see it (the bananas were in the way) I'm sure there was a raised man-sized red hand print on her chubby little leg since it was 95 degrees that day and she had on shorts.  They had another child as well, probably around 9 and she was crying softly and cupping the side of her head where he had obviously smacked her at some point too.  Both of their expressions were not surprised - they were accepting and broken, as if this were nothing new to them.

Honestly, we have all been somewhere, sometime, when our kid or kids were acting like complete psychos, we're frustrated, exhausted and at the end of some kind of quickly fraying rope when it happens - they push too far and our body reacts before our mind can say stop.  It's usually a swipe to the rear because that's what our parents did or a slap on the hand when they're touching and touching and touching everything in the store, sometimes it's a tap on the top of the head - just a little reminder.  It happens and guess what?  It's not child abuse and you're not alone.  What matters most is that it's a RARE reaction that you have when everything is just at a frenzied point.  If this is your daily answer to little things that you're children are doing - the things that make them kids - you need to reevaluate your parenting techniques.  I'm totally serious.

If your boss came in and slapped you upside the head because you took an extra a couple minutes on your break what would that be?  Degrading?  Embarrassing?  Illegal?  Assault and battery?  All of the above?  Yeah, you would take exactly ten minutes on your break tomorrow so the slap did it's job but now you're hurt, pissed, embarrassed, ashamed, and maybe looking for a way to be passive aggressively rebelling.  That's how a 2 year feels too, and a 9 year old and a 12 year old and then you've got a rude, disrespectful, angry teenager who most likely hates you.  With good reason I'm sorry to say.  

Hell yes kids need rules, they need boundaries and sometimes, for some parents and some kids - they need a swipe to the backside or a tap to the reaching hand but what they don't need is to be broken.  Be gentle but firm - if you are a spanking parent make sure you do it with a cool head - angry minds equal angry hands and you're a lot stronger than their soft skin.

Next time - imagine that there might come a day when your tiny child - who you love more than anyone in the world and would do anything for - says, "Mommy please don't hit me."