Honestly I'm not sure where I picked this up but I say it all the time to new moms, newlyweds, old moms, old married couples - anyone really. Begin as you mean to go on. The easiest way to explain this is that when you first get married you are disgustingly in love so you make breakfast in bed and you fold all his boxers into perfect squares, you whistle while you wash dishes and you get up early just to make his lunch. Then - the newness wears off, you have a job and are tired too so you'd like to share those responsibilities, he's a big boy and can make his own lunch, and then....you have kids so you REALLY don't have time to cut his pd&j into a heart with no crusts and he can find clean boxers in the dryer like everyone else! This is when the arguing starts - you are arguing over little things but the base reason is because he feels like you've changed so much, you don't love him as much, you're not giving him the attention you used to and you, you feel like he's lazy and can't he help wash dishes without being asked? He treats you like a slave and he doesn't even say thank you! Not to mention he never does anything special for you anymore.
Guess what? It's your fault. You did not go on as you began. And, you're right, you shouldn't have to do those things - marriage is a partnership, you should share all the responsibilities and the chores. But you started off on the wrong foot by lavishing him with love. What's he supposed to think? His reaction is unfortunately quite normal. This goes for guys too - they start with little gifts, flowers for no reason, little kisses just because, sweet messages of love when they've been away from you too long.....then they go back to normal and guess what? You don't feel loved anymore - "why don't you ever send me flowers? just because we're married doesn't mean I don't need to hear that I'm beautiful and you miss me!" Well......shouldn't you know that already? Wrong answer, buster!
So, you have two options here: if you're just starting out - be normal, I know you love him (or her), I know you want to make him (or her) feel loved but be careful - it will bite you in the behind! Treat each other now as you will always treat other and when you do do special things it will be just that - special. OR if you're already too far in to change your ways you'll have to make more of an effort.
Here's how to do that - if you made his lunch and now you don't have time or energy, get up early or stay up a little late once in a while and put in that extra effort. This first time, leave a little note in his lunch that says "I wish I still had the time to make your lunch every morning." And then something personal, blah blah, love and kisses (you know the routine). Maybe put something special in there - his favorite candy bar or favorite snack - you know him best, you decide. For the chores around the house you'll need to communicate - let him know that this is a 50/50 relationship, buddy. Before making dinner say, "I cook, you clean?" or for laundry, "I'll fold, you hang?" and for kids bedtimes, "I'll read, you sing?" You get it.
And for the guys - you'll have to step it up man. I know you bought the cow and you should get the milk for free but .....we cows.....we don't see it that way. By now you should know what she likes best - for example: I would like a potted flower better than a flower delivery. Going out for a few beers with friends? Stop at the bookstore first and pick up the new book she's been wanting, or on your way home from work, rent that chick flick you wouldn't watch with her and get her a single of her favorite Ben and Jerry's. She'll love that you thought about her night and that she's stuck home with the kids and did something to improve it. Going fishing with friends at the crack of dawn? Stick a note to the mirror saying that you'll miss her face this morning. Not to often - just occasionally.....keep it special.
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