The Poop Trail

My kids can drop trow ANYWHERE.  They don't care, they are not ashamed and they have a seemingly endless supply of body waste.  No joke.

Maybe it's because I let them tell me when they were ready to be done with diapers, maybe it's because we camp in the woods where there are no bathrooms, maybe it's because having a closed door in my house is a luxury - who knows.  What I do know is that every time we are in a public place my kid or kids have to go to the bathroom. 

I have this weird feeling that they heard the story of Hansel and Gretel and since they didn't have pebbles or breadcrumbs they figured they'd leave a poop trail back home.  Restaurants - pooped there.  Fast food - you betcha.  Mall - yup.  Park - ew but yes.  School - every day.  Friends houses - oh yeah.  Disneyland - many, many times over the years.  Grocery store - every time.  Vegas - several casinos.  5 Zoos in two states.  4 states in all!  Museums, aquariums, beaches, libraries........if my kids have entered a building for even 5 seconds - they have used that bathroom. 

I'm not sure where all this body waste is even coming from! Both my kids are of a healthy weight and size, they don't eat like mammoths, is it reproducing in them??   Did they win some gross contest that I don't know about?  Or are they trying to win some gross contest?  I'm constantly saying, "How can you possibly have to go to the bathroom again?"

I know what you're thinking - they're probably just hanging out in there, washing their hands for a long time, being nosy......nope.  I've checked on them.  They're going to the bathroom and they aren't shy about it.  My son will actually shout - "I have to go poop!" across a store at me.  Don't worry -  I've never been embarrassed by that, I usually shout back something like, "That's awesome!  Did you already scope out where the bathroom is poop-machine or do we need to look still?"  And yes, he already knows.

I get a few reactions from my child's shout about poop - the first is that understanding nod from another mom who's kid is also leaving a Hansel and Gretel trail of their own, the second is a smile from a parent who has kids so she knows they can be totally embarrassing and the third is my favorite, it's that snide look-down-your-nose-at-me catty look from a woman with no kids or perfect, ruffle dressed or collar shirted angels who never do anything as disgusting as pooping.  Yeah right lady, you're kid's got a backed up intestine that you don't know about yet because she refusing to do what nature intended.  I love this look because that's exactly what I think about when I nod and smile back at her - is the amazing explosion that she's gonna get soon and wish that her kid had dropped trow in Target like mine did!