Siblings Are Forever

I've got friends I've had since junior high, some since elementary school, some who have fallen away and then come back again, some are people I've known for years but never been friends with until recently.....friends are like that.  But siblings are forever.  My brother is three years and six months younger than I am - almost the same as my daughter and son who are three years and two months apart.  It's a good age distance but it's also the only one I've ever known.

With any kind of sibling I think you need a few different things to build a lasting relationship - first of all: abuse,  you must cause each other some sort of physical, mental or emotional abuse because it will lay the foundation for the second which is: a common enemy.  This is, of course, your parents.  Here's how it should play out:  first you torture your brother because you know him better than anyone so you know his fears and annoyances and then, when you've gotten a little older, when your parents attempt to enforce actual rules on you, the two of you band together because your parents are his (or her) enemy too.  This creates an amazing bond that will grow with you.  When you're in your twenties you will call each other and begin a sentence with, "I just talked to Mom (or Dad)......" and your sibling needs no back story - they were there, in the trenches with you, they know exactly what you're talking about.

Not that I condone letting your children wail on each other but I definitely let mine solve small disputes themselves.  If it's gotten big enough so there's hitting or someone's crying then I intervene but otherwise I let them figure it out on their own.  This is building a bridge over many years in tiny steps that will become a bond strong enough to last them a lifetime. 

One thing that I stress to my children is that, "Your friends will come and go - no matter how much of 'besties' you are now - but your brother (or sister) is forever."  I tell them that "every day you are becoming a person - becoming who you will grow up to be and your brother (or sister) is becoming a person too.  Your sibling is the only person who will know you before you were you."  And it's true.  My brother and I used to lock each other out of the house or he would wrestle me to the floor and do that spit drop thing - you know the one?  Where he would let the spit hang just above my face and then slurp it back up at the last minute?  YUCK.  He once told my boyfriend I couldn't come to the phone because I was pooping.  Yeah, thanks for that.  I'm 33 and he just turned 30 (today!  Happy Birthday little brother!) and still he dutch ovens me.

The other day I busted both my kids for something and as I left the room I heard them grumbling to each other. All I could think was, "This is the start of a beautiful friendship." I probably should have warned my daughter that brothers are disgusting but I figured - what's the fun in that?